Funny Congo Stories

So I’ve been considering putting the blog to rest. Then I noticed a tab called “stats” and was shocked to realize people actually read the stuff I’m writing. People from all over the world. In that case I’m never short on good stories. So here goes.

I’m American and look fully Caucasian. I have curly hair, blue round eyes, and freckles everywhere. But for whatever reason Congolese people think I’m Chinese. Usually it’s children but even adults some times. There is a large Chinese population here because as we all know China is grabbing up mineral concessions all over the world right now. Because they think I’m Chinese all day long I hear “Chinoise (Chinese in French) heehaw”! Of course it is actually Ni Hao but I guess that’s what the Congolese think they are saying. When I first got here I thought they were making donkey noises. So don’t be surprised if you come to Congo and get taken for a Chinese with a donkey greeting!

Congolese are always trying to rob people with stupid ideas. One guy opens a hotel in Kolwezi. He decides to use solar power because it’s more reliable than Congolese power. As soon as he opens his hotel representatives from SNEL (the Congolese power company) notice lights on and come in to demand that he pay them money for his illegal electricity. He explains the concept of solar power and shows them the panels and the batteries. They come back a few days later and insist that he is stealing power from them and must pay! He shows them again and convinces them that he at least is actually using solar power. The next week government representatives show up and insist that he must pay a sun tax because he is using Congo’s sun to get his power! He of course didn’t pay but that’s how ridiculous people are!

A Congolese worker, Kabongo, goes to a restaurant for a beer with his Expat boss. They enjoy a few drinks and then the boss says “that’s it for the night see you tomorrow.” Kabongo begs his boss for more drinks. His boss says truthfully that he doesn’t have any more money with him. Kabongo says his boss has some money in his car. The boss denies it and finally gives Kabongo his keys and says if you can find any money you can have it. Kabongo in his drunken stupor decided to drive his boss’ car even though he’d never driven a car ever in his life. He figures out how to get it into reverse just as his boss is exiting the restaurant. He pushes down on the accelerator and rams into the car behind them. His boss is yelling “stop stop stop!” but he only pushes harder on the accelerator because he is so freaked out. He finally makes the car stop and jumps out. His boss says “what were you thinking!” Kabongo replies “It wasn’t me!” LOL! He was caught red handed his boss watched him do it and he still denied it!